Inner confidence can be a real b*itch, right?

We all have that inner Regina who keeps us small, putting a damper on our inner self-confidence.



Are you sweating yet?

Just the thought of acknowledging our poor self-confidence can send us into a spiral of negative self-talk.

We live in a culture of social media and perfect images that consistently show us we’re not enough, who we aren’t and shine a light on what we don’t have. We internalize these images subconsciously, resulting in sub-zero self-confidence.

Perfect hair
Perfect body
Perfect house
Perfect kids
Perfect marriage
Perfect parenting

I struggled with self-confidence for years. You can read all about my struggle with self-confidence in this post.

5 Steps to Glowing Inner self-Confidence

Step 1 – Be an observer of your thoughts

Remember that inner Regina? Negative self-talk is one of the biggest killer to self-confidence. You’ve heard the phrase, “speak to yourself the way you’d speak to your child.” But how many of us actually follow that advice? I’m going to guess very few. We are the WORST critics of ourselves.

How do we tackle this?

  • Keep a daily criticism log.
  • For one full day, track all negative self-talk and self-criticisms you say to yourself.
  • Write them down in a journal or on a note in your phone.
  • Then, at the end of the day, read through them.
  • For every criticism, write down evidence that disproves it.
  • Lastly, write down the opposite of each criticism, how you want to feel instead.

Step 2: Celebrate YOU!

  • Choose a picture of yourself and print it out.
  • Tape or glue this picture onto one of your journal pages.
  • Below that picture, celebrate YOU by responding to each of the prompts below:
  1. “Three things I am good at”
  2. “Things I’m really proud of”
  3. “I am unique because _____” (List out ways in which you are YOU)
  4. “Three things I love about me”
  • Lastly, read through each of these and be proud of YOU!

Step 3: Daily Gratitude Journal

Keeping a daily gratitude journal allows us to express our gratitude for all the things we have rather than focusing on what we don’t. I recommend to all my clients the practice of keeping a daily gratitude journal, which is also a practice I use daily myself.

  • Every night, end the day with listing what you’re grateful for that day.
  • Then, write down 3 compliments to yourself.
  • End your journal entry with writing, “I receive that.”

You’ll be amazed at how far gratitude will take you.

Step 4: Visualize your confident self

Visualizations are another powerful practice.

Close your eyes and visualize your most confident self.

What would you be doing?
What you would look like?
How would you feel?
How do people around you see you?
What are you saying?
What are your behaviors?

Take in all the details of this experience.

Bring in all your senses; sight, sound, smell, touch, even taste.

As you visualize, focus in on your breathing.

Breath in confidence.
Exhale doubt and fear.

Follow this visualization activity with a short journal entry describing how it felt to be your most confident self.

Step 5: Embrace a daily practice of self-care

As women, we constantly push our own needs aside. We become frazzled, overwhelmed, and stressed, yet we keep pushing forward for everyone else.

A lack of self-care directly ties to a lack of self-confidence.

We’re essentially telling our subconscious we’re not worthy of self-care, of having our own needs met.

If you’re looking to be the best version of yourself, then start here.

Now, you might be saying, “I already embrace self-care! I get manicures, I take time to enjoy hobbies, and I take personal time when I need it.”

Below are some of the less obvious ways in which we are neglecting self-care:

  • Being hyper critical of yourself
  • Self-sabotage
  • Difficulty in accepting compliments
  • Never feeling as though you’re enough
  • Seeking external validation
  • Not setting boundaries

Embrace a daily practice of self-care.

Say no when you feel overwhelmed, set boundaries

Take time for you

Start a practice of personal development

Recite daily self-affirmations

**Any of the above 4 steps are also practices of self-care.

Take time to reflect and identify where you may be neglecting self-care.
Then, create a daily practice where you embrace self-care.